i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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