So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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