Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
