My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
