Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
