I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
tell your sister to shave her snatch
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
What drink are we having for lunch?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Randomize
