Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
