i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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