My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
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also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
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Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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