So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Randomize
