He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
