you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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