do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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