i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
