Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize