Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
