Just fell off a train. Bad.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Randomize
