Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
