yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize