dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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