It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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