I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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