I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
