So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize
