Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
