I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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