if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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