we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
