the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
i think my cat just said my name.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
