Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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