dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
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i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
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I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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