No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
