I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
this beer tastes like vomit already
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize