Kiss
Puke
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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