i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
