laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
