I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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