the only muscles i have these days is kegels
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
