census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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