Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
