just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
