I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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