Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I checked into jail on foursquare
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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