What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
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