Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Randomize
