it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Mom said you looked used
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
