if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
