I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
