Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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