I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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