and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
