that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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