Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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