i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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