My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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