If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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