I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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