ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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