For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
