Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
