I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
