i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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