she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
