I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
