therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
