At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
honey bunches of taint.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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