I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
