the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
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she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
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Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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