There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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