WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
