Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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