I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I think i got beer on your cat.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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