maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
