so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
