I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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